Still not smoking, but scaring passers-by ....

I'm still not smoking, other people are being very brave and not telling me that they wish I'd start again. They are bravely avoiding disagreeing with me in any way, and hiding the knives, and strangely enough the spoons. I wonder what I threatened to do with a spoon that brought that on?

I found my self following a stranger around the supermarket today, one who smokes. I know they smoke, I can smell it and the smell of cigarette smoke is not yet disgusting to me. It was purely chance that I was behind her, because as you know you have to follow a prescribed pattern once you enter the supermarket. You have to walk the aisles in a set order at a set speed or create chaos.

I was perhaps following her a little too closely, and inhaling a little too deeply, however. She was becoming quite twitchy about me. In retrospect, and looking back on the incident with, as it were, hindsight, I can see that maybe having a strange, plump, middle aged woman edging ever closer to you in the cheese aisle, deeply inhaling as she approaches, may have been, just for an instant, at least, a little disturbing for her, maybe, from her point of view, ah hem.

Well, at least if the police had been called they would have known me!

Oh I had to attend the police station today about something, and who should I bump into but the MBEB (Murdering B***d ex boyfriend) of #2 doing his daily bail sign in. I manfully avoided eye contact but tackled the policeman after he had gone on the subject of why wasn't he yet in jail FOR LIFE for trying to kill my daughter. "BY THE WAY "I added," I JUST GAVE UP SMOKING, MAYBE I CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM." I think I may have thrown a comment towards his mother regarding faulty genetics as well. (That's the MBEB's mother not the policeman's.)

Apparently we have to wait for the whole shooting match to go thorough the court system again now that he isn't threatening to kill himself as well as her. They are unsure with what to charge him....I have a few suggestions, after all he tried to kill my child three times in one day, and escaped from the mental ward to try twice more. Before I could enumerate my views too clearly, along with the punishments I was willing to provide a nice man came and gave me a cup of tea, but not a cigarette.

Black box it

On the right ( I think, right and left always been a bit of a mystery to me quite frankly,) is a widget...black box/ make a choice. By clicking on it you get choices which eventually lead you to a point where you put in your own question....black or white? Fish or chips? ak47 or oozi?, actually the last one probably isn't in there, yet. ( It is now, I put it in.) Then you go to a mystery blog to read it, after inputting your own url.

I know that one of the worst things about reading blogs is some of the dross you have to read to find a good one so this seemed like a fun way of searching. I'll still find dross but I'm having a lot of fun with the whole asking questions thing, and finding some fun blogs too.

To add the widget yourself the code is here

When you don't think you can sink any further...

This isn't about me, I just read a very moving piece on the Menopausal Old Bag's blog, along the lines of "Life gets you down, and then gives you a good kicking just to be sure you stay there."

It reminded me of one of the more recent examples of this principle that I have come across personally.

A gentleman came in with a prescription for a testosterone injection. Quite a popular item in our shop as one of the doctors next door "does" male hormones. The customer is a little younger than usual for this, but not a huge amount. He wants a fair bit of information as he has used the patches before. I oblige, and tell him about the capsules as well, and the reasons we tend to use injections here.

Customer tells me in course of conversation

1. He's from Sydney.
2. He left Sydney because he caught his wife in bed with some one else.
3. Some one else was his best friend
4. He misses his two year old twins
5. His twins aren't his, he has just found out he cannot father children, hence the injection.
6. His best friend isn't the father either, his wife took great delight in telling him that he knows the father, but it's not his best friend, it's one of his other "friends"...ha ha....(Ladies some of us do rather let the side down don't we?)
7. His family know where he is but not why, as one of his brothers may be the said father.

I really really hope the guy is all right as I haven't seen him since.

Still not smoking, attempting to make rest of families life miserable so they can share my suffering.

Self improvement becomes more important..

I have been a bit patchy in my blog recently. The reason will become clear. Apparently I have a hard a heart attack (or two) without noticing. I went to the doctor with a shoulder pain that has been bugging me on and off for a while. While I was there they decided to do an ecg, for completeness. It was all very casual and friendly and then all of a sudden doors were shut and whispering behind curtains was happening. OOh I thought...

Serious face from nurse and doctor....."Just how often have you had this pain". After a short discussion I find I have had a heart attack, or two, and just didn't bother to tell anyone. So they took about two armfuls of blood and gave me a list.

I wish I could express surprise at this turn of events but when you've used a body as hard as I've used this one you really have to expect consequences.

1. Stop smoking.....well I'm on day four and if you need anyone assassinating I'll do it for a cigarette, actually I'll kill three people of your choice for a quick drag.
2. Stop with the caffeine...So no nicotine and no caffeine, I have now been asleep for three days.
2. Get less stress......anyone want a child? Numbers 1-4 are up for a good home. I will also have to get a new life, any-one got a spare one, stress free, up for grabs. I also got a yoga book from the library. The yoga won't relax me but imagining that I could ever get into some of those positions will be funny and that will be relaxing.
3. Stop eating pork dripping sandwiches....not a big loss, but the whole get my lunch ready in the morning thing is already a bit wearing, and eat breakfast. I already have a good diet, its just that I was enjoying the bad diet I was eating in addition to it.
4. Exercise...pah....I'll wait until I see the specialist and hope he tells me I can start smoking and start eating pork dripping again, I know it's not likely, but I have to have some hope of something.
One of the receptionists in the doctors has had a similar experience and just joined a gym. They did the flexibilty test and asked her to touch her toes whilst sitting down. Her response.." My toes, but I haven't seen them for three years, how could I possibly touch them?" (I can smugly say I could touch my toes from that position, but getting back out of the position proved a greater challenge.)
5. Start drinking....MMM....I honestly can't remember the last time I had alcohol and I'm told a few glasses of red wine here and there will be good for me.

Family reactions so far:

1. Husband: If he ignores it it will go away. A standard reaction but unfortunately not one available to me, but he has given up smoking in support.
2. Child #1: Stopped smoking in the house and now takes a torch to the bottom of the garden to sneak the occasional one. I can smell the next door neighbour smoking but not him. (There is of course the stress of wondering if a snake will get him in the dark.)
3. Child #2: Left home to live with boyfriend if can't smoke here.
4. Child #3 and 4: Too young to be told. Husband trying to deal with #4, and quitting smoking, which leads to loud shouting. This too shall pass.

It's not funny when it's me...

Knock, Knock,

"Oh Hi PC X, just calling in for a cuppa while you're in the neighbourhood?"

"Er, no, I'm, mm," cough, barely stifled laugh, " I'm here on official business."

"Really, number 4 has been with me all weekend? Are you sure?"

"Umm, " very unmanly giggle, " it's about the cat."

"?"

"One of your neighbours says that your cat is bullying their dog."

It was too much for him, he just burst out laughing. I looked behind him to see his partner barely standing upright such was the effort he was putting in to not laughing. He was literally holding his stomach in pain.

"I don't know you do I?" I responded trying to maintain my dignity.

" Oh er yes" he said, " I came when the little tucker set the house on fire."

Swift deflation. Apparently the cat's teasing of the blind shitzu next door has been noticed, and complained about. I was just about to get right up there on my high horse about police matters and non-police matters, and the fact that the dog is allowed to wander the neighbourhood, putting it right in the cats way, when I heard a strange strangled noise from the fence. Glancing over I see the next door neighbour turning purple in an effort not to laugh.

Hurrumph. Slow day obviously.

Basketball tickets

Woo hoo , we got to collect our basketball tickets for the season yesterday. Me and #4 go along to every home match.

Yesterday was the big opening gig with all the players present to sign posters and chat with the fans. Number four had a go at the free throw line, and of course got four out of four shots. He's never to my knowledge picked up a basketball before, but all that practice aiming at the green ants, the ceiling fan and his brother has obviously paid off. I had the coaches card pressed into my hand to ring him regarding the juniors. This might be a good option since reading is still very low on his list of priorities, with the added benefit that it should tire him out. (I crack myself up, four hours sleep last night...)

We got the same seats as last year on the basis that anyone #4 had really annoyed would move, and it would be unfair to move with them. Can you imagine moving your season ticket seats to get a way from an annoying child, only to find the annoying child has moved too, to right next to you.

Most of the people around me are used to him and sort of do a tag team of answering the endless questions. We've been going for four years now, and still he has questions...

School fete

It was the school fete last night. Every year we have attended up until now it has consisted of a few sad looking cake stalls and a tombola table full of junk. Ah well, its for a good cause we grumbled and bundled #3 and #4 into the car and off we set.

It was amazing, a fully fledged fun fair with rides and popcorn and hot dogs and candy floss and good stuff on the stalls. It was better than this years town show.

One of the rides was a bouncy slide (free) which we tipped them onto for the first half hour in an effort to get them tired. (ha ha) Then it was off to the quad bike ride.

The gentleman running the stall was clearly not aware of the reputation of #4. Other parents backed away their precious darling babies as we approached. They pointed and muttered, " Maybe you can go on the next turn" to their little darlings. "Roll up roll up " He had no takers , #4 was at the front of the queue (which consisted of only #3 and #4), a few brave souls sent there larger and tougher boys over to join in.

The poor deluded fool running the stall leant over to show #4 how to drive the bike, and nearly lost his nose as #4 took off, hotly pursued by #3. They ducked and dived, overtook each other and the rest of the riders (including one who I think does scrambling on a semi professional basis...whoops).

Number four thought it was excellent, surprisingly number three was very good at it too. He kept up with #4, but always in a very upright position with a slightly amused look on his face.

The head teacher came over and watched. " Ah, another of his many talents," he commented, " hooning." (I am so glad all four of my children attended the school and he knows that it's not us, it's #4, he's made that way.)

Ride over and #4 saw some of his mates .( The paramedic that came to the spider bite last week, the fireman that had to rescue his friend from the school roof after #4 told him about high places, the last nurse to stitch him up, the doctor that xrayed #3 after the fan/golf ball incident..) It's nice that we live in a small community. I did notice that the policeman kept his hand on his holster all the time he was talking to us, I think this was to stop #4 exploring more than for a quick draw though.

Number four is getting pretty famous now.