Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Things you can do with rope and a vinyl hand.

1. When mum's at the gym you can tie the garage door shut, from the inside. When she gets home she goes ape at you and wakes the whole street up.

2. When you get the rope out of the (now)locked garage you can tie the gate to the back garden shut, while mum is moving the bin down the drive. (Mum still doesn't know how I got in the garage.)

3. You can tie your brothers bike to the back gate so when mum's trying to climb over the gate she falls on it.

4. You can tie the back door shut by tying the handle to mummy and daddy's bedroom door. (Remember to leave the front door on the latch for a quick getaway.)

5. When mum puts you in the car because you ARE D***N WELL GOING TO SCHOOL you can wave the orange vinyl hand at the back window until mum screams at you again. (Lucky the policeman in the car behind just waved back aye?)

6. The next day you can get the vinyl hand out of the bin and smuggle it into school. Stand at the back of assembly and wave at your mates who are doing a recital on stage until your teacher spots you.

UPDATE: I was woken by loud boinging noises. On exploring I find large orange rubber hand tied to tree and being used as a target. Eggs break on contact with the ground or hand or bounce, leaving eggy stains, sometimes on the neighbours fence. Lemons always bounce,hard, and next doors dog has taken cover in their garage. Note to all you "better" mothers out there, I have put the hand and the rope in the bin, again, and he hasn't found his padlock again.

I feel unable to relate some of the other rope incidents until I'm feeling better and the other parents have stopped talking to me gain. (Really it's better when they're talking about me, not to me, there's a lot less pressure and unwanted advice.)


Anonymous said...

Oh - the rope! I was wondering when that was going to make an appearance!

I'm almost tempted to start sending random tools through the post to #4, just to see what he does with them...

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Here's a seventh thing you can do with the rope - tie the little fecker up and don't let him lose on society until he swears to behave and not injure his mother ever again! Good luck.

Eve said...

Oh, great idea mud, can you here me chuckling from inside my straight jacket?

MOB...sorely tempted, sorely tempted. (May be the reason I'm waiting for my new "friends" to leave.)

Anonymous said...

Award for you at mine!