Sunday, August 30, 2009

The joys of home cooking...

I'm often told that my children are lucky because I cook most meals from scratch. (Don't post me a halo, cooking is my hobby,) They often feel less lucky, words I have heard this week....

" Is that one of the cute chicks that you murdered?. Why are you attacking it with a machete? You already murdered it."

Thank-you #3, remind me not to let you watch me joint a chicken in future.

" EEEEhuew , mum, whats that? They eat dirt, the man on animal planet said they eat dead things, look, look, its got eyes, look.....eeeehuew..."

Thank-you #4, so now I know what crabs eat. (Slight aside, is it a cornish thing that the lungs are called "dead mens fingers"? When I called them that in the fishmonger he looked at me like I'd got three heads. )

"Eeeeeuuew, WE SAID we wouldn't eat slimy squid things and hiding them with dead mens fingers in fish cakes won't make us so there!!!!!" (No, the dead mens fingers weren't in the fish cakes, reminder to self, don't take #4 to fish mongers.)

"Mum, mum, why are you putting wee in the pan, mum...." (It was chicken stock!!!)

"This pizza isn't round, I can't eat it."

"Look #3, look, these carrot strings fit up my nose and when I blow..." (So don't practice julienning veggies on #4's tea in future.)

"Mum, why's it called sticky toffee pudding? It didn't stick to the ceiling, mum."

And of course my all time favourite, this week, " Why can't we have real food like they do on the telly."

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Making beds a la #4

" #4 make your bed."

"No, I mean sheet, pillow and put the quilt back on the bed."

" Bring it back from the garden then."

"What do you mean the roof?"

"Just bring it in."

"ON your bed, NOT under your bed."

"I'll be back in a minute, just make sure its all on your bed."

Loud crash, followed by cat yowling.

"What was that?"

"What do you mean an allan key?"

"When I said MAKE your bed I meant put the sheet and quilt back on it. I did NOT mean take it apart with the allan key you had hidden when the man came to fix the washer."

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Phone tales #2

Me: has anyone seen my phone?"

Silence. I think to myself that I'm sure I brought it back from the ward and put it on that shelf there, and then I? Mmmm, I ring it. Silence. Maybe when I went back to the ward I took it with me and left it there? I go back to the ward and go around the beds. No, no phone. I ring my phone from the ward phone. Silence.

I go back to the department, keeping an eye out in case I dropped my phone. No. I get back to the department and use the department phone to ring my phone. I walk around the department listening for my phone. Silence.

Eventually the switchboard answer my "phone". No, they haven't got my phone, its just been ringing so long with no answer that it has diverted to them.

I stand befuddled in the department, gazing hopelessly into space. Where oh where did I leave my phone?

Colleague: "Whose phone is this?"

Me: "Mine, Oh thank-you, where was it?"

Colleague: "At the back of the cold room, see it's covered in frost." (And it is, it's little screen has ice crystals on it.)

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Let me paint you a picture...

My sister was discussing with me on the phone how much she had to get done this week. She's singing at a wedding on Friday but has much to get done before then, including nursing our cantankerous father after his hip replacement. (Pain makes him cranky but taking pain killers is a sign of weakness.)

The bride has offered her a spray tan, but she doesn't know how she'll fit it in. This is probably a good idea she says, as the last time she had one she was orange and "Looked like fourteen Victoria Beckhams in one Hermes Leger bandage dress all fighting to get out."