Be careful what you ask for....

We make candles, palm wax and soy candles, as a hobby at home. They're actually pretty cool. Don't worry I'm not trying to get you to buy them but you need to know that before we go any further.

Homer went to the DIY store today to get some plastic drain pipe stuff ( mmm, that was probably not the technical description.) He rooted about (that means had a grope about), on second thoughts he "looked" in a big old bin full of off cuts they have out the back. ("Rooted about" and "groped" mean so many different things depending on the country you are in, but I digress.)

"So what you after mate?"

"Oh, I need about a meter of this stuff here," Homer emerged red-faced from the bin waving his trophy. "Can you cut it into about four pieces?"

"Sure, hand it over."

"Oh, have you got end caps that will fit over the ends? Really tightly. They've got to be tight."

"Sure mate, they're over there." The helpful assistant pointed to the plumbing area. "The cans of diesel and the fertiliser are out the back."

"? How did you know I needed ammonia for the sensitive weeds?'

The asssistant starts edging slowly towards the phone whilst keeping an eye on Homer. Light dawns, "Oh, no, I um.......oh dear. Just the pipe today please, and these um ends. I'm making candles."

The assistant looks at the large and very rough looking lump of flesh that is my husband and says " Candles?" (pull the other one.)

Homer paid and left. We're waiting to see if a van with darkened windows parks outside in the street. If it does we might give #4 his padlock back.

A lady came into the shop today. She says it shocking and shouldn't be allowed. One of the children at her son's school padlocked the library doors shut yesterday, whilst her son was inside. It's about time they did something. I remained quiet, but thought to myself that I better find out what he did with the rope.