The power of advertising....

There's a new ad on the radio. A small child is complaining that he's only getting coal for Christmas because he put bubble bath in the toilet. Guess who was in the car and tried it when we got home?

Tis the season to be merry...

Or as I prefer to refer to it "The season to stay in", or the "How much for potatoes?" season.

My local supermarket has taken full advantage of the season to run out of potatoes, and up the price of the few scabby looking remnants they do stock. It annoys me because nearby farmers are ploughing potatoes in because they lost a big supermarket contract......say what??? Bring them down the range and sell them next to the road!!!!!!!

We pay for potatoes to be trucked from here to Sydney and back again. The local "farmers market" sells at prices approaching the prices in the supermarket to tourists enamoured of how quaint it is. Don't the tourists realise there is nowhere up here that grows apples and so those cannot be local produce????

I read back my post and see "Tis the season to be grumpy."

It's not just the wildlife....

Day two : Man versus banana leaf. That's right man hospitalised after coming off second best to a banana leaf. (To be fair it was a deep cut and it got infected.) He's in the bed next to the guy with the spider bite....Oh and a few people were hospitalised over the weekend from irukandji (jelly fish) stings.

Tell me again about living in paradise.

My first day....

My first day in my new job, and very exciting it was too. I have got a lot to learn to catch up but I am excited by the prospect.

I have come to the conclusion that I live in the right part of the world to get health care for #4. The doctors are trained in just the right sort of trauma. In the first group I saw today there was,

1. Man on Motorbike V man on Motorbike. (Man A 2: Man B 1) They'd hit each other. In my line of work bike v car is common but bike v bike?

2. Man V bull. (Bull 1: Man 0)

3. Woman V Tree. (Tree 1 : woman 0)

3. Man on bike V pig. ( Pig 1 : man 0) The pig was last seen running off into the bush. Apparently the pig is known in the area for jumping out at traffic, and this time it got some-one. They move problem crocs to new rivers, I'm not sure what they do with problem pigs. ( For the uninitiated when I say pig think huge wild boar type thing that only an Aussie would call a pig. Definitely not Pinky and Perky.)

A challenge

Number one is finally going to get an apprenticeship. I kept asking him when he was getting an apprenticeship and he kept muttering and humphing, so I asked his boss.

"When are you giving him an apprenticeship?"

"We offered him one, he just has to say yes."

"?" accompanied by meaningful look at #1.

Shuffling of boots.

His first challenge now he's an apprentice was to make his own toolbox. This resulted in a heap of smashed metal and a hinge he can 'use again'.

His boss said he can make a barbecue for the works do of Friday night as well. This upset him as he was worried it would mean there would be no barbecue and he would get very hungry. His boss showed an understanding of the teenage boys mind by asking him to complete this task. After an evenings worry about the design, and whether his welds would hold, and cool in time. After an evening trying out reasons for other people to make the said barbecue he set off to work this morning and has returned, barbecue built.

"it's got wheels"

"Do they move?"

"yes, in different directions, but they move"

I hope to get a photo of said barbecue tomorrow.

Madge the trainer

We got a new personal trainer at the gym today. Hannah retired with heat stroke back to the UK. (Here's a woman who went for a run at midday in Cairns...of course she got heat stroke....sheesh, they had to medevac her to the airport.)

The new one's called Madonna, she really is. She was probably born when Madonna first made it big, which makes me feel old. I remember some friends going to see the real Madonna at the Hacienda when I was a student in Manchester, she was still pudgy and wore a lot of layers and lace and stuff. I never really got all that.(They said she was c@@p, and couldn't sing a note. Like a virgin was going to be a one hit wonder, shows what they knew).

My Madge takes all the gym stuff just as seriously as her namesake though. I cannot convince her that I don't use my triceps for anything, she keeps coming up with exercises to stop bingo wings. She has me doing some weird exercises on a step to get as I term them Buns of steel. (Don't laugh, every-one in the gym already did when I told Homer I was doing the "buns of steel" exercise, I didn't know they were listening until I heard the snickering).

I'll give her points for optimism though. She says that soon I'll be running. "What is this strange thing of which you speak?" I ask, "run-ning?" She explains to me that it is something that is faster than walking. "Ahh" I say, "You mean riding, riding in car."

(I know that as long as I am going faster than at least one other person I will survive the crocodile/ lion/ snake/ hippo attack. The wild beast will get them and I will get away.)

Deadliest catch

I'm quite a fan of the deadliest catch TV show, it's probably the swearing that I like , and also I'm a big fan of the sea and we only have pretend sea here (warm with no waves).

I thought I'd treat myself to a T-shirt. Not the sort of thing I'd normally do but what the heck. My choices were,

Northwestern...big fan of the Hansen brothers but never trust a man with a centre parting so that was out.

Wizard....is it me or is there some sort of dodgy deal going on there?

Time Bandit....reminds me far too much of all my boys, particularly #4, also there's a mullet involved.

That leaves the Cornelia Marie. Again shades of my boys, and I notice Cap'n Phil is smoking again (and I'm not). Not to be discounted is the fact that their website posted overseas but Time Bandits didn't.

I don't count the Early Dawn. There's a certain amount of smugness there that I'm not fond of, or earnestness, I'm not sure which.

Anyroad my T-shirt arrived. Now I'm not a small girl, not at all. I was very popular in my youth and I didn't need Pammy's surgery to get there, but foolishly and at the risk of annoying my American friends I assumed a large T-shirt would be , well, large. Mmmm the t-shirt rather emphasises my assets, but I'm a grumpy old woman in no make-up, so that means I now have a very nice gardening t-shirt that reads "F------/////vvvv Coooooooornelia Marrrrrrrieeeeeee". Next time I'll get the mug.

BTW. #4 will NOT be getting a chainsaw for christmas. Ha ha very funny. I'm still untangling the chickens from the rope and the big vinyl hand put them off laying for a week, imagine the damage he could do with a chain saw.

A potato?

Number four has been threatened (many times) with many punishments. He shrugs these threats off with a nonchalance (yes, nonchalance from an eight year old) that is amazing. I only wish I had his sang froid, his coolness, his ability to completely ignore the opinions of all who surround him when they don't match his own.

I chipped the facade today though.

"If you don't behave Father Christmas will leave you a potato."

"So?"

"?"

"He can put the potato on top of my other presents, my motorbike, chainsaw, and snake." (Yes, he still has that ideal gift list.)

"No, you get the potato instead of your other presents."

"?"

"and you don't get to steal #3's presents."

"Nooooooooo. I'll be good, I promise, I'll be good allll the rest of today."

Well it's a start.

More good news.....

Woo hoo I got a new job.

I don't have to work late nights any more, or week-ends and I get more money, woo hoo. I am especially pleased as the shop was involved in an armed robbery last week so I'm well out of it.

My boss is less pleased, I went and told him some-one would be ringing him for a reference. "Huh, thanks for telling me!"

Two hours later I got an e-mail saying that further to our conversation asking for a reference he considered that my notice, last shift to be 10th December (and don't let the door hit you on the butt.......)

Next day my new boss rungs and says my reference isn't all that awesome....after a bit of to and froing she offered me the job. Woo hoo but thanks for nothing old boss.

My present boss then has the gall to not speak to me for five days and then demand my resignation, as I hadn't offered it. I pointed out to him that he'd already told me when my last shift was. All went quiet and then today he asks me to work on a few days to help out.

Ok so what would you do?

Air conditioning

I'm being a bit slack on here as there have been momentous happenings.

We got air conditioning in the living room. I've done seven years here with no good air conditioning and now I have it. I ran in from work just as the men finished fixing it up on Saturday. I turned it straight on. on super-freeze-me and stood with the air blowing my hair back like some sort of Tyra wannabe (only a plump old one...make me a super-grumpy-old-bag any one?).

The electrician commented that the air conditioner was big enough to blow out the far wall of the house, I don't care. The air conditioner installer commented that we should warn the neighbours that the hot air from the outside unit stands a chance of blistering the paint work on their house, I don't care. He also commented that the chickens were likely to be part roasted by the same air as the unit is over their pen, I shall have to install a pool for them with small beach umbrellas.

I showed the machine my left cheek (face) and my right cheek, and lifted my skirt and showed it my other cheeks (after the workmen left). The children were very upset by this but I am old and have air conditioning and I don't care. Of course at this point the workmen returned for the tools that #4 had appropriated, to the sight of me showing my bum to the air conditioner. Cheeks reddened (all four) I returned the bemused gentleman his spanner and screwdriver. We both carefully didn't mention the position he had found me in, that is bent over with my skirt over my head.

Approximately thirty minutes after the air conditioner started working the power went off, and stayed off for three hours. That's the third power outage this week, and I can only attribute that to the ever increasing number of houses in our suburb, all with air conditioners going full blast.