My birthday...

Yesterday was my birthday and I got presents. Presents with thought behind them!

1. Homer had scoured the Internet and got me two books of Wilfred Owen's poetry. Not to every ones taste but I find it very moving, if in a rather gruesome way.

2. My sister sent my wedding album, having rescued it from the dank room it was being stored in in the UK.

3. My father finally sent my mothers hand written recipe books, which go back to the turn of the last century with recipes having been written in by my Great Aunt Ruby and my Great Great grandmother. (Faggots wrapped in caul anyone?)

4. My sister, dad and sister sent flowers.

5. Homer took me shopping, and didn't complain when we went to more than one shop, and made me spend money on myself.

6. My birthday tea was fast food, followed by eclairs. I get to do that once a year. The extra salt has put three kilos of water on me over night so an extra diuretic needed this morning, but its only once a year!

7. I gave myself a designer sofa makeover...sad but true, new cushions and a throw rug.

I spent the day lounging on my newly dressed sofa saying "peel me a grape". (Which no-one did). I spent the evening telling the children to sit on the floor so they didn't disprupt my cushions. (Which they ignored). I did make them have a bath before they sat on it so they didn't get muddy footprints on it, that won't last.

A new sport

Number four has taken up AFL (Aussie rules football). I've always called the sport "Aussie no rules", as to the uneducated spectator, it resembles an all-in fight that an oval ball pops out of occasionally.

There's lots of running about, both into and over the opposition, with fists and boots flying in profusion. There's blood and sweat but never tears.


Well who knew? There's rules! Number four has been three times and has been sent off twice. The coach is very impressed. Apparently no child has managed to knock over the one #4 took on for the past three seasons, and #4 did it twice, and that was just in training.

The boys are grouped by age but no-one, except the new boy, is ever put against this infant behemoth. He is the height and weight of some-one at least five years older. His parents have his birth certificate laminated to produce as and when needed. #4 was told to brace whilst the baby ogre tried to push him over, so he did. Baby ogre was sweating and turning red ( not attractive over a green skin), but #4 budged not an inch. Right says the coach, swap sides. #4 pushes the baby ogre over. Baby ogre bursts into tears. (Another Christmas card list we're off, it all saves me money in the long run.)

I huddled quietly at the side lines pretending the mighty midget with the psychopathic outlook was not mine.

Career choices #2

My hairdresser has become a mobile hairdresser. This is because, like me, she has a tendency to say what she thinks. When she was going through hairdressing school they forgot to remove her smile, meaning that she can laugh at a joke instead doing that "what is the smell under my nose" look that most hairdressers adopt when faced with my hair.

When she asked me about my hair care routine the first time I saw her I looked blankly at her and said, "Oh, you mean if its wet I open the car windows on the way to work?" She only looked vaguely surprised and cut my hair into a style that blow dries itself if I open the car windows!!! How good is that!

As a consequenxce every time she "moves on" to a new salon I move on with her, and now she's become a mobile hairdresser she came to my house for the first time. (I just hope she never moves too far from where I live, I'll have to move). She paid me one of the best compliments anyone has ever paid me... she said " Oh it was such a relief to be coming to your house, I felt so relaxed when I got here."

Any way, she's smearing orange goop on my hair and #3 says "What are you doing?"

Hd. "Dying your mums hair"

#3: "Why?"

HD "To hide the grey hair."

#3 : "Oh" small silence " Do you like doing that?" (Slightly puzzled tone in his voice).

HD "Yes, why, do you want to be a hairdresser?"

#3 ; "NOOOOOOOO"

HD " But all the girls would like you, you'd see all the pretty ones."

#3 : Giving a small shiver "But you'd have to touch them, and their hair, YUK!"

#3 turns huffily back to his war game on the computer, touch girls, the very idea!

Career Advice

Bright eyed and bushy tailed, all those years ago, I went to my careers adviser,

CA: So Eve, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Me: I'd like a job where I fly around the world and get paid to eat cheese.

CA: Ha ha ha

Me: Oh, I'll think of something else then.

Many years later as I examine another rash on an unmentionable part of the body, accompanied by a less than interesting smell the conversation comes back to me. (Maybe the smell coming from the patient is reminding me of cheese?) I come home and there on the food channel is a man telling me how he gets paid to fly around the world and eat cheese. "B#####d" I think, "you took my job."

Birthday tea...

Number four was nine yesterday. (That makes him Aquarius, Aquarians march to a different drummer than the rest of us, sometimes its not even drums....)

As a special treat my children have always been able to pick their favorite meal for birthday tea. Now as I am an evil mother and refuse to go anywhere near MacD's, Hungry Jacks, or any other fast food outlet I usually get let of lightly in the birthday tea department. All most of them ever want is a fast food meal, result all round. They get a special treat and I get an easy meal to "prepare"( as well as fast food which I usually avoid.)

What did #4 have for birsday tea yesterday? Fish fingers cooked in the microwave with garlic bread, followed by chocolate mud cake with extra chocolate bits in. We had to make the chocolate cake together. #3 is my usual chocolate monster so this was a surprise but as it was a Sunday I kept my end of the bargain and made a chocolate mud cake with chocolate icing and chocolate chips in it. We then all gamely sat down to garlic bread and fish finger sandwiches with chocolate mud cake to follow. Yumm.

The only other time I haven't got away with fast food was chockit strawfairies for #3. (That was strawberries dipped in melted chocolate and left to set.)

Still raining...

Doctor Foster
Went to Gloucester
In a shower of rain.
He stepped in a puddle
Right up to his middle
And never went there again


Rain is weighing heavily on my mind, and the garden. We've had over twelve inches in the last twenty four hours, and the twenty-four hours before that, and etc. etc. etc. We've had so much rain that the chickens are considering getting trench foot, and I've had to raise their roosting pole to keep their little toes dry.

Hence the "themed" nursery rhyme with the picture of Edward I (Longshanks), the alleged inspiration for the rhyme. He apparently fell off his horse in Gloucester, into a puddle. He was probably on his way to quell some rebellious Celts in Wales. He was so embarrassed that he refused to go there again.....if only the Welsh had known, all they had to do was get him muddy and he'd go away. (I don't know why Edward longshanks became "Dr Foster", so there's probably another explanation for the rhyme, but I quite like this one.)

Now you tell me.....

If you feel down and you put on a tiara or a cute sparkly headband it like totally brightens up your day" - Paris Hilton

My sister found that quote. So, all you slightly older, slightly plumper and a lot poorer girls out there don't you feel better now Paris has revealed the secret of conquering depression?

As my sister's small child is in the middle of a snot fest cold we discussed whether dried snotty bits on every item of clothing she posseses counts as "sparkly" for these purposes. We also covered the wisdom of scraping your hair back off your face with a head-band when you have only had three hours sleep in the last seventy-two and need to go to the shops before hiding behind three inches of caulking (sorry, make-up). Would that scare small children? and would the stares from other shoppers "like totally brighten" her day?