Number one seeks work..

Number one went for his year ten equivalency test on Saturday. He needs to do this test to join the Navy. We are sure he completed year ten but for some reason his records have disappeared. We know he completed year ten because we have a report card from year eleven, issued on the same day as a letter explaining to us that school probably wasn't the right place for our uneducatable son.

"Uneducatable, is that a word? " I asked.

"It is now." replied a clearly traumatised year eleven co-ordinator. (I'm sure she didn't have that twitch when I first met her, strange, oh well.)

The lack of formal education, and what can only be described as atrocious report cards, have understandably held him back in the job market. He's going to join the Navy. (Army, risk of shooting self: Air force, risk of falling out of sky: Navy, hard to shoot oneself with a cannon pointed away from the boat.)

So year ten equivalency test. He says it was easy. Most of the questions were really easy and the answers were written down anyway. Further prompting led me to the conclusion it was a multiple choice exam, with some graph reading. I had to use torture to get that much information out of him (I told him his play station controller was broken).

I took him for a beep test as well. He has to get to six point two to get in. (That's quite fast.) I got to two point two. I was pleased with that, after all three months ago I thought the only thing faster than walking was driving in a car. He only got to four, and then we had to push his nicotine stained lungs back up his nose with a stick.

Beep test: Pointless running of laps between two markers twenty meters apart, in time to beeps that get gradually faster and closer together. Invented by the KGB as a method of keeping warm in Siberia.