Report time...

As you can imagine school report time is an "interesting" one in our house. When it involved #1 and #2 school report time was signalled by #2 handing over a pristine piece of paper, her halo gently shining in the afternoon sunlight. Her report was full of comments such as "A pleasure to teach", "wonderful student", "helpful", "interested" and "lovely attitude".

Before my head could fill up with pictures of my cherubic children gazing wide eyed and excited into the world of learning I would wake myself up with the knowledge that I now had to search #1 and his environs for his report. This was full of such gems as "lacks concentration", "disruptive" and "if I could read his hand writing maybe his marks would be higher." This report would be found crunched up with a few rips and possibly holding some half chewed chewing gum in the bottom of his school bag. On one occasion it was in a puddle next to where the car was parked on report day. I was called into school the next day and presented with the evidence of my child's "careless disregard" for the school's authority.

My favorite comment from this era was on #2's report. "Hard to believe she is the sister of #1."

Time passes and now the school has to deal with #3, they heave a sigh of relief as they realise they have a shiny new version of #2. Then comes #4.

Pop quiz...guess who these are about.

"Thinks outside the box", "has a refreshingly different view on many subjects", "a master of independent thinking", "has an old mind, we can only hope it's Isaac Newton's and not Attila the Hun's" (That last from the religious studies teacher).

At the bottom of the report is a section advising whether a parent interview is required. Number three doesn't require a parent interview ("No" box ticked). Hand-written in the small area at the bottom of #4's report " The regular weekly update should suffice."