Help lines...again

Today I had to ring a government department for some help....I know that was an oxymoron to start with. They have a freephone number , very good, and when you dial it they tell you to hold. One of their customer service reps will be right with you.

Yeah, and the rest...well after five minutes I got to the automatic switchboard thing , you know, press one to be cut off, press two to be told to ring some one else, press three for free abuse, press four to go to the back of the queue, press six to hear the options again. ( I was tempted to press five to see what happened.)

I selected press three, as I figured at least I might get to talk to some one. Oh no, it's not that easy, I got a new choice list. Press one to go back to first menu, press two to be cut off, press three to report your neighbour , press four for free abuse. Ok! I pressed four.

A new menu, press in your customer number....I haven't got one....oh no, no options for not having a customer number. I sat in silence hoping for help. A calm voice said "you have not entered your customer service number, if you need help press one", I pressed one...and got the first menu back again.

Getting increasingly desperate I shouted into the phone " Please , I just want to speak to some one" There was a silence a faint click and a voice said " You have indicated that you wish to speak to some one... That is not an option."

I sat stunned and staring at the phone, how many people are driven to shouting exactly what I shouted into the phone that their voice recognition soft ware recognizes the phrase, and they have a response set up!

I pressed five. A voice answered, "Hello," I said, ( eventually, after getting my breath ) . "Can you help me?" .

"No." said the voice and hung up.