My jam mojo

My jam mojo may indeed have deserted me DCS. In fact I may have to remove from you the crown of most domestically challenged of the sisters if I cannot make my jam set, but what to replace my crown with? I lack the shoe and fashion gene which our father passed only to you. ( Our mother lacking this gene as well).

I have read stories about women who can't make jam, or pastry, or grow veggies or knit and sew, and I have shaken my head in disbelief and horror. I make cakes without recipe books or scales and gaily chutnify and jam any spare fruit and veg from the garden and then this. This has never happened to me before (except once, with peach marmalade, and I put that down to the vast quantities of brandy I addded to it "for flavour").

The failure of this jam to set has left me bewildered and bemused. I haven't even gone to the help pages of cookery sites, I cannot face it until an alternative view of reality manages to assert itself.

I have to believe at that point I will "come up with something", I just have to.

Note to DCS: I have put an onion marmalade recipe on the other blog, just in case I can never recover. It is very easy.

Back-yard Camping

My frangipani...it's actually a far richer, deeper red than this, a deep blood red, so I've got to master photoshop or some such program now. Who knew blogging could be such hard work? My husband buys me a cheap digital camera and I start posting photos, now I want to make them good photos, whatever next. Probably a picture where #4 looks angelic....beyond my skills.

Number three and four wanted to camp in the garden last night. Against all my instincts ( silently screaming, NO NO NO NOT EVER EVER NO NO), I agreed.

I told Homer he had to sit up all night by the back door in case he was needed.

Anyway off go #3 and #4 to the tent, complete with sleeping bags, torches, pillows, spare shoes,(a kitchen sink) and yes, I did say spare shoes. My whole family is dysfunctional, including the cat. I blame my sister for the need for two pairs of shoes on a camping trip across the garden that will last at the most eight hours. Before leaving them for the night I did a quick check that there were no lighters, candles or home made rocket launchers in the tent.

Number three fell into a deep and cherubic sleep until the early hours when he came in all warm and toasty and got in his own bed just to finish off the night. Number four lasted about one hour. I asked Homer, " How come #3, who is known as a bit of a wuss, can sleep all night in a tent, but #4, who is the complete rufty-tufty lasts all of an hour?"

" That's easy, number three knows the worst that is out there, it's number four. He's seen his fear and faced it. Number four can only imagine."

Dear DCS: I still maintain that you couldn't decide between your pictures and your jewellery in a house fire as you'd be far to busy deciding which shoes were most appropriate to wear whilst being rescued by a fireman.

Memories..

I just read the DCS's answers to her tag and I'd forgotten that she took over my job as the most bad tempered cafe waitress in Derbyshire.

It was a small cafe, frequented by truckers, bikers and climbers. Our role was to serve the customers and trade insults with all comers. We were good at both.

I think we got quite famous for the poor quality of service, and often got stars dropping in on their way from Manchester to Sheffield. I can remember Human League (from Sheffield), Def Leppard (from Sheffield), Boy George (from another planet at that time). Imagine the horror of going somewhere to get insulted and getting ignored.....

I still have a circle in hell reserved for people who deliberately walk on newly washed floors in muddy boots, and still offer up sugar as a yes or no option, not a how many question.

"Do you want sugar"
"One and a half please."
"Yes or no...do you want sugar?

or there's,

"Three slices of toast."
"No"
"Uh?"
"Say please"
"Three slices of toast, please."
"No."
"Uh?"
"You can only have an even number of slices, the toaster won't do an odd number."

Any way I can't have been that bad or my sister wouldn't have got the job when I left for university. I think she added a new level to the family reputation.

I like to think my customer service skills are better now, I just think the thoughts, sometimes very loudly, rather than vocalise them.